By Tony Sokol

Dear White House:
It’s been several hours now since Donald Trump masculinely walked the inaugural march to the White House and this country still has swishes, to use the politically correct term. I know I shouldn’t expect miracles but Trump was declared president and Mike Pence vice president in a mandated landslide. The two candidates ran on a god-fearing, no-gays or transgenders platform and there are still homosexuals on this side of the wall.

Sadly this hits close to home. My fourteen-year-old son was diagnosed with faggotry before he even hit puberty. He used to prance home every day crying that some kid at school called him a queer. I tried tossing a ball at him to get him to come around, but watching him chase it only confirmed the schoolyard diagnosis. I’m not one of those parents who want to beat everything out of their child. So when I heard it could be painlessly electrocuted out of the boy in time for the football season I wanted to sign the kid up but couldn’t afford it under the socialist, queer affirming Obamacare system that discriminates against law-abiding normal citizens. I want my son to be so straight that he feels uncomfortable even saying the word heterosexual.

I don’t know where my son learned this behavior. It certainly didn’t come from me. I am a concerned parent who goes to church every Sunday, pays my taxes and has always loved women, who I respect as much as Trump. I’m glad he had the balls to keep the Oval office from becoming the ovary office. I can’t have this abomination in my house. Jesus said not to suffer the little children, but he also hates queers and I want my son to grow up in the firm and loving embrace of our lord and savior. The good lord delivered President Trump and Vice President Pence to put this to right. Pence used to run one of them camps, didn’t he?

I have been patient under the liberal fascists and their Obamacare cutting off funding to homosexual aversion therapy, but now it’s time you made my son stop being gay. He’s never grabbed a pussy, as is his right and privilege. I don’t want him sent to one of those feminazi concentration camps I’ve been reading about, just cured.

If you would please see to this as soon as you can.
Respectfully,

A concerned straight parent who voted for you.

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